A Few Thoughts on Growing Up and Self-Discovery
Life is a series of phases.
Some are big, bold, and deafeningly loud, while others are quiet enough, like mine is tonight, to hear the distant sounds of cannon shots ringing out at the army base 20 miles away.
Through these phases of life, I believe we uncover and possibly even meet for the first-time new versions of ourselves. Or, maybe not necessarily “new,” but versions we’ve not yet discovered.
I am finding that at 30 (now 31); I understand who I am, what I believe, and what’s important to me more than I have at any other age. Though still, I can feel myself teetering the line between being young and influenced, and being a fully developed, self-thinking person.
I love and respect my elders, but if I’m being honest, I do not agree with them. Not in all regards, anyway.
I believe 31 is teaching me how that’s okay.
As children we are raised, developed, and molded from those around us — where we came from, the ideas voiced aloud, the teachings and influences of others, things we see.
From a young age we are impressed upon. It’s all we know. So, what we see, hear, and are told must be right… mustn’t it? The ones who we seek guidance and safety and connection from tell us so. We look to them for answers, and they give us the best ones they know how to give.
But then we grow up. If you are brave enough to go out into the world and to see it with unfiltered eyes, you may find that although the ones who helped raise you had the best of intentions, they may not know everything, after all.
It’s a strange thing to grow up and to see there isn’t only one way of looking at the world. That you can come up with a way all your own based on your feelings. Your thoughts. Your experiences.
I recently took a yoga teacher training course, and throughout the course we discussed philosophy and finding your ‘true self.’ Not the self you’ve been told you are, but the one that lies deep within you — unmarked by the influences and effects of society’s branding. The person you’d be if you were never told who you were supposed to be in the first place.
For me, I can see that I have been many things over the years — a daughter, a sister, a student, an employee, a military wife.
Each has called upon a different part of me, a different version. But each one of these words does not say who I am, only what I am.
They are merely labels. Words that place me in a category.
Take a look at your own life, what labels would you be given?
Alongside these labels we’re also usually tagged with descriptive words that summarize our personality; nice, rude, funny, serious, successful, or ‘a complete dumpster fire.’
I think we place labels on people because it helps us to compartmentalize them. It helps us to feel like we better understand them. Maybe that’s why those who choose to remain in one place, in one way of thinking, rather than venture to openly experience the world around them (yes, with those above-mentioned ‘unfiltered eyes’) are so intimidated by the things they see but don’t understand.
Like, for instance, people who choose to live their life differently, or “outside the norm” The ones you see striving to go green instead of resorting to a life wrapped in plastic. The ones who decide to walk away from their corporate 9 to 5 to chase dreams others believe are irresponsible. The ones who seem unbothered by the trivial stresses of daily life because they have an almost preposterous, unrelenting strong faith and truly believe ‘everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.’
The ones that are often labeled with words like “weird,” “out there,” or “a few cards short of a full deck.”
Maybe that’s what scares people who choose to live a close-minded life the most. Maybe it is a person’s oddity, unapologetic freedom, or their acceptance of themselves, others, and life completely that terrifies someone who accepts only one way of thinking. One way of living.
I think because of this some choose to live their life in a bubble. But the world is becoming ever-crowded. With people, with noise, with opinions, with voices. And with the arrival of social media and so many outlets to express our every opinion and thought every second of the day, it is becoming harder and harder for those who embrace the old-fashioned way of life, perhaps some would even call it correlative to a ‘close-minded way of life,’ to ignore that the world is changing.
That the world is becoming both uglier in ways, and more beautiful at the same time. That it is becoming more callous and more accepting. That it is becoming more divided, and more open.
That we are no longer all falling in line with the beliefs and actions of our elders, but we are breaking out and choosing our lives. Choosing to push aside typical roles and expectations. Choosing to carve our own paths. To form our own thoughts. To do things differently.
I believe this is both one of the bravest and most dangerous things my generation is doing.
For we are changing the world. We are opening eyes to ideas that can never again be unseen. We are saying yes at the same time we are saying no.
Some would argue we are more selfish, my generation. But is that really the truth? Or is that only a person’s version of the truth based on the influences that have shaped their life? Because of the limitations they put on themselves through the beliefs they cling to? The beliefs that have been imposed on them by others? The beliefs that may not even be theirs to begin with?
It has taken me 31 years, but I am here to say I am more comfortable in myself, in my beliefs, and in my voice than I have ever been. But I am also not egotistical enough to say that I have it all figured out. I am on a journey. I am openly listening, seeing, and experiencing life in order to create my own opinions.
I am sorting out my true thoughts from those that were, in my formative years, impressed upon me. And through this all, please don’t be mistaken, I am not throwing my upbringing to the wind. There are many, many parts I will always hold onto. Many people I’m proud to come from. Many things I’m fortunate I had the opportunity to learn.
So, I am keeping the early taught values, thoughts, and beliefs I relate to and agree with now as an adult, and I am daring to release the rest and look within myself to make up my own mind. To question things, to toss ideas around, to form my own thoughts instead of becoming a person molded by the thoughts of others.
To find out exactly who I am if I had never been told who I should be.
To decide for myself what all I think about this world, the type of life I want to live while gifted this time on earth, and who I want to be as I move through these ever-changing phases of life.
